Have you ever eaten a real Kobe beef steak?
As of 2016, there were only 8 restaurants in all of America authorized to sell genuine, authentic Japanese Kobe beef according to the Kobe Beef Association. So if you aren’t in Las Vegas, Dallas, Honolulu, San Francisco, Cupertino, or New York – chances are if you’ve ever had Kobe at a restaurant, it could’ve been a marketing ploy (even if it was tasty as hell).
As of 2016, there were only 8 restaurants in all of America authorized to sell While inauthetic steak seems like it has nothing to do with us and our work – I guarantee you’ve felt unsure about your authenticity, too. While we may not use the word “certified” and care about any specific association, we definitely wonder if we’ve “done enough” or if we/our work is “good enough”. For some of us, this is so difficult that we lose sight of where to even stop.
As of 2016, there were only 8 restaurants in all of America authorized to sell So today we’re going to cover three reasons you feel this inauthenticity, and talk about what gives us authenticity in the first place (because who doesn’t want to feel as worthy as a $600 steak?!)
Those reasons are:
- You aren’t your actions
- You aren’t valued by comparison
- You are innately valuable
You aren’t your actions…
When we ask ourselves questions like “have I done enough today?” or “is what I’ve done today good enough?” it’s really easy to conflate the idea of work quality and our own personal value.
While there’s nothing wrong with taking pride in our work and doing a good job, it’s so easy to lose that lone of “good enough” that we end up taking it out on ourselves. When you combine that with western culture typically venerating people for their achievements – it’s quite literally trained into many of us that our self-worth is equal to our creative output.
But, if you are the sum total of what you’ve achieved or the work you’ve done (or even what you’ve done in the eyes of others) – that’s an extremely limiting and horribly subjective view of yourself as a person. Ask yourself if you’re any less good, worthy, valuable, or important if you make the choice to chill, relax, and enjoy leisure instead of work – almost guaranteed that many of us would uncomfortably squeak out “noooo” while inside not really believing that.
To make it even more painful on ourselves – we can even consider a person who chooses to put in less than, or achieves less than you. Are your friends with normal jobs, smaller aspirations, or wanting to live a fairly “normal” life any less awesome and valuable than high achievers? Of course not, right?
But do we really always embrace this…? Or do we not let ourselves off the hook?
You aren’t valued by comparison…
…except, lots of things in our digital age would like to keep us convinced otherwise. As you are likely aware, this is literally social media in a nutshell. While I don’t have to tell you that social media is a highlight reel where everyone shows off the “best” parts of themselves – knowledge isn’t enough to prevent us from scrolling while blissfully unaware.
Even in innocuous things – watching lessons to improve ourselves, reading good books, and championing or being interested in the work of our peers or idols – we set standards by which we feel we need to achieve. You know these goal posts are constantly moving, and they’re moved by us too!
So that means we’re clear on two things – first, our personal value can’t be determined by our creative ourput (or lack thereof) and second, our value can’t be determined by others or even our perceptions of them. All of these are subjective and constantly moving standards which leave us sitting, face in hands, staring at our work wondering if it and we are “good enough”.
So then what…?
The real questions are who are you, and what gives you value?
While some folks will say you should compare yourself to yourself yesterday, and maybe that can be true to some extent, I can’t say that’s ever truly succeeded for me. Instead, I believe the core question here is “what gives you value?” which is hard for most of us to answer. Perhaps it’s unsurprising, but for many people, this question can get really complex and existential crisis-inducing quickly.
While I won’t and can’t fully answer this for you – it’s my belief that we have innate (ie: existing naturally or an “essential characteristic”) value, which we neither gain or lose and does not (cannot) go away. Anything else, and your worth as a human being becomes currency-based and transactional – much like a dollar in your hand.
It may be a radical statement to hear for some of you – but I believe the “answer” for many of us lies in understanding that our value is innately higher than we believe. If you can become accepting of the fact that you’ll have days where your output is lower, and some where it’s surprisingly higher – but none of that is you it becomes much easier to be kinder to yourself and simultaneously more productive.
Why is this the case? Because it’s from this place that, instead of having to work to feel “good” or “worthy”, we can sit with the (currently) uncomfortable feeling that we’re already “good” or “worthy” so that we can give of ourselves to others and love and help one another. For lots of us, it feels unnatural to start – but I’d argue that our self-perceptions are the thing that needs work moreso than “us”.
“Well Adam, that was great and all but… not helpful. You say I have ‘innate value’ and whatever hocus-pocus mumbo jumbo, but you didn’t prove that to me and most importantly, I still feel like a giant crap pile. So, this wasn’t helpful, what gives?”
Ah yeah, great point… so here’s where we get even more existential. Bear with me…
Many of us have gone through a difficult event in our lives before that garnered a tremendous amount of negative emotion for us, but eventually, we’re able to look on that event or time differently and more positively. The resultant self-talk for us usually looks like “I wouldn’t be who I am now if it weren’t for X hard time. While I didn’t like it at the time, I appreciate it now.”
So what happened that softened that emotion? It wasn’t just time, because time doesn’t heal all negative emotions. You might call it “reflection” or “seeing differently” – but those are just metaphors for what’s really going on: you’re thinking about it differently. If you think I’m crazy, this is a legitimate scientific theory called Cognitive Appraisal Theory – whose summary is “your thoughts create your feelings”.
Though I don’t believe feeling bad about yourself is as simple as me telling you “just stop thinking you’re so bad” (this takes practice, time repetition, etc.), I do just want to encourage you that I believe we have more control over our emotions and self-labeling than we often believe we do.
Woof, okay, that was a lot to ingest. What did I just say again?
- You aren’t your actions
- You aren’t valued by comparison
- You are innately valuable
Look, I get it, it’s hard to imagine that you’re as delightful as a $600 steak…
And I know we don’t have any “hey I’m awesome” certification board, but at the end of the day, I believe you are incredibly valuable – more than your work output, more than your career status, just because you’re uniquely you… and I’d love for you to believe that of yourself as well.
And that’s partly why I’m STILL working away on this…
Quit Aspiring, Vol. 2 is still on its way. This “good enough”, “authentic”, and “valuable” conversation comes up a lot in things like interviewing for AAA game audio jobs specifically. I’ve been writing multiple chapters this week on mental preparation, as well as key things you can be doing in interviews that almost nobody does. You’ll get a sneak peek of those chapters soon!